If a 26 year old friend were dating a 21 year old, I'd likely question the .. that the fact that I was dating a 40 year old raised their opinion if me. I am in my mid-forties and I have been online dating off and on for about 2½ years .. Im 44 years old now just turned last month, and a 26 year old has been . Yes, famous old men dating younger women. But a gap of 30 years or more leaves Amanda Platell cold.
21 and 26 dating 40 - Commentary
Are you going to be embarrassed about her being 5 years closer to wearing Depends diapers or something? But please make sure she never sees this question or knows about your concerns because it would be really hurtful and if I were her it would be amble reason to not date you or to dump you if I was. Also, I'd just like to request that you and society as a whole work super-hard to unpack yourselves of this notion. If you could see your way clear. Because, "An age and power differential is okay as long as it's the man in power"?
As far as your references to "milfy" or "cougarish", ummmmmmm, I'm I'm not a mom or even vaguely matronly. You and I most likely have virtually identical life experiences and overall approaches to the world. We like the same bands, watch the same TV shows and movies, and are nostalgic about the same Saturday morning cartoons. You, on the other hand, sound immature and judgmental about both gender relations and age, and so it probably won't work out, unless your prospective girlfriend is willing to be considered milfy or a cougar, but she probably won't.
This does not seem to be the case here. She needs to be dating someone more in her maturity bracket. You need to mature some more. I would never ever date a woman and not be proud of her, and hide her from my friends, it wouldnt be fair. I haven't even asked her out yet but it seems like she wants me to.
If I was in a relationship with her then I'd most certainly be happy with what she was posted by curious-mind at 2: If you want to date this woman, pursue that goal. That as a statistic men chase younger women, and dating an older woman is looked upon as failing to be able to compete with other men.
So far so good. He's not concerned about the difference at all. If you two really gel as a couple then people won't see a 5 year difference in your ages. Yeah, I think you're probably too immature for this relationship, dude.
Cut this shit out. Anyway, in my early-mid 30s I dated a guy very seriously for several years who was about four years younger.
The reasons it didn't work out had nothing to do with our age gap. Where two twentysomethings can wait and see where things go, maybe get married, maybe think about kids when it feels right - a couple in their 30's do have to face the reality that female fertility starts declining after So if you don't think you want kids in the next 10 years, and she does -- the relationship can't work in the long run.
It sounds from your question and followups that you're focusing on a lot of superficial externals about how it might affect you rather than the heart of the matter - what is she looking for in you? Gwyneth Paltrow is five years older than Chris Martin. I don't think there's anything wrong with you. I know if I were in her year-old shoes I would want to know if I was seeing someone who used the word "cougar" seriously in any non-feline context, let alone applied to how others might view our relationship, has no problem with a double standard, i.
If she doesn't know, I suggest you tell her. She might chose to make this a non-issue for you. A 26 year old guy, dating a 31 year old woman, is it okay? I think it's just fine if a 26 year old man is dating a 31 year old woman.
But, if we're talking about a 26 year old guy, I'm not so sure. Just noticed that 15 comments have been posted since I started writing.
I'm betting that I'm not the only one who is giving you grief about this question. Who do you want to date? Her or other men?
It's a fine age gap for anyone. Best of luck -- you're gonna need it. OK, I'm here to tell you: You know the saying, "Haters gonna hate"? You, sincere internet stranger who is making a valiant effort to figure this out, are not a statistic. You may plug into some venn diagrams every once in a while, but the value judgements you make for your own time in life need not be unduly influenced by lying numbers or hype and spin or anything other than your own notion of where the ship you and only you are steering is headed.
Does that make it bad or a bad idea? I don't think so, but that's your decision to make. What people might think of you as a couple is just one of many factors that go into deciding whether to pursue a specific relationship. It's not wrong to consider it, either, but talking about it in this particular way reinforces a lot of gross sexist norms so I suggest not bringing it up like this around other people or around this woman.
Why do you care what other people think about your prospective relationship, or what they might think about you on the basis of who you date? While it's natural to wonder about the various consequences of a difference in age, I think your would-be sweetheart might be a bit taken aback to learn that you had to ask the Internet whether dating her would be "OK. They haven't even gone on a date. I don't think kids need to be a factor in the dating process quite yet.
It's never been any kind of issue. On the other hand, at the tender age of 26 I think of myself as a grown man and I wouldn't lower myself to taking advice from a bunch of bros in the comment section of a dating website so maybe our experiences are very different. For what it's worth - not much, by the way - some women my own age have told me that the fact that I was dating a 40 year old raised their opinion if me.
But you should not be using the identity of the person you date as a status symbol because it's repulsive. My sister-in-law and my ex-sister-in-law are both five or six years older than my brother, and I don't think either relationship has had, or had, any issues relating to their age difference. I don't know what to say about your apparent internalized belief that men "should be" older than their female partners or they'll lose status, except a it's certainly a widespread cultural meme in lots of places, and b in my experience, cultural memes like that are usually obstacles to creating relationships that work for you, not for random TV gossip shows or shock jocks or whoever.
In that sense dating an older woman reflects well on you. Older women, because of their confidence and experience, also make better lovers. I would really encourage you to disabuse yourself of the subconscious misogyny you've indicated in your post and follow-ups so that you can be worthy of her interest. Plutarch, in his biography of Marc Antony, remarks that Cleopatra met Antony "at the very time when women have the most brilliant beauty.
Notwithstanding, what are YOU comfortable with? And the line about not able to attract a younger woman.. You fall in love with whom you fall in love with. We had a lot of fun in the time we were together. Our work was similar, we liked the same movies, the same books, we had the same political views, our musical tastes overlapped.
Eventually he was transferred to another city and that was that, but we had a terrific time. No one, including the two of us, gave any thought to the age difference, because it was never evident. Except when he makes fun of 80s music. My question is regardless of your concerns, how is anyone even going to know you are dating a 31 year old unless you tell them?
Unless said women looks substantially older than 31 or you look substantially younger than 26, your age difference is unlikely to be identifiable by the general public that's making the rather generous assumption that anyone else is going to care. I didn't marry any of them or anyone else for that matter but they -- well all but one -- were great relationships, the shortest of which lasted almost 2 years and the longest almost 8 years.
I don't recall my age, or our age difference, being a factor. I primarily dated men younger than myself because those were the men that I happened to meet. I went to grad school at 31 and most of my classmates were years younger than I was. When I got out and got my first internship, same deal. I had more in common with them then men my own age who were already well-established in their careers, etc.
Most of the time we found out each others ages after we started dating and it just wasn't an issue for either of us. There are lots of advantages to dating a grownup. I wouldn't trade her for a year-old for anything, especially when I remember what I was like at Also, did you read that OkCupid article, or just the comments?
Because the article, if I'm thinking of the same one you are, was about how awesome women in their 30s are, and how dumb it is that guys don't tend to date older women. And they had data to back up something women being awesome!
Five years doesn't rate as an age gap when you are an adult. This must worry you for some reason, but it shouldn't. I remember a ton of lady-persons who were 31 at my 26 and I didn't give a rat's patoot about our respective ages. Be glad you've found someone you care about and who feels the same. I'd have no problem dating a 25 year old. If she's OK with you, you should be too. When I was in my early 30's, I had a short relationship with a woman in her early 20's.
We weren't a good match and one of the things that stuck out to me was the difference in maturity. If you're thoughtful and mature and your are compatible, great, have a good time. Cart before the horse. I hope you've worked through your previous issues. I think you need a lot more confidence and grounding, but that's just me. I'm not a MILF or a Cougar and spent most of the early years of the relationship worrying about the age difference, it has never bothered him.
You like who you like, ask her out and if she says yes I hope you both have fun. If it becomes serious you won't care about the age difference, and if it's only a bit of fun for both of you, you might learn something about yourself and women. Forget about what people on OKCupid say, what people say online to make themselves look "cooler" rarely has any actually relationship to what they'd do if they had the chance in real life.
Also face early thirties deosn't look that much different to late 20's its not like she's got grey hair and a walking stick, no one is going to look twice. Are you sure that they've failed at competing? I suspect that men who date older women have realized that the only way to win at "my girlfriend is younger than yours" is not to play.
Put another way, do you really want the respect of men who think this way about women? Would it really make you feel better about yourself? This is not enough data to say anything about you. In fact, the only thing this tells me is that you are into this particular 31 year old woman. It could, maybe, suggest that you're more into 31 year olds than other women.
If you really need to be older than your lady, just wait until you're 32 and start hitting on the 31 year olds. Ta da, problem solved. After three weeks without a word, he reappeared. Was there another woman? Was he back with the ex-wife? Yes, teeth problems loom large with the older man, as does health in general. They fret about their receding hairline and their ever-expanding waistlines. Forget the myth about the older man who can support you emotionally and financially: Constantly seeking reassurance, they need their lovers to lavish praise on them.
As Wood said of his new girlfriend: The most brilliant portrayal of the truth of the much older man and the younger woman comes, ironically, from Woody Allen - who left his partner and mother of his children, Mia Farrow, who was a modest ten years his junior, for their stepdaughter Soon-Yi Previn, who was 35 years younger than him. Alfie subjects himself to fake tans and endless gym sessions, wears teenage clothes and watches his bank account dwindle due to her excesses.
It is a poignant, rather pathetic portrayal of the Ronnie Woods of this world and reveals the truth about love with an old rogue. As exhausted Alfie discovers when he leaves his young wife and tries to reconcile with Helena, there is something marvellous about a long marriage. Even in your 80s, as I know from my own parents, you remember the young person you fell in love with, and they remember you as you were - the soft skin, the bright eyes, the youthful body, the passion and the enthusiasm.
But while a lengthy marriage might provide a woman with a bank of memories to draw on when her husband turns grey and doddery, for a young woman going out with a much older man, what you see is what you get.
The truth is, women are much more likely to find happiness with a man nearer their own age. This question was answered rather succinctly in a scene from American TV show Mad Men, when the silver-haired advertising executive Roger Sterling is sitting in a bar with his stylish and attractive ex-wife, Mona. He is lamenting the breakdown of his marriage to his second wife, the twenty-something spendthrift Jane, acknowledging his folly in leaving a loyal wife for a beautiful young woman.
Also, did you read that OkCupid article, or just the comments? You and I most likely have virtually identical life experiences and overall approaches to the world. Most people assume we are roughly the same age because we are! The older party being a woman doesn't somehow make it wrong, that's a sexist double standard and it's bullshit.